I remember the feel of your hands—

reaching out to fix my watch

or adjust my sleeve so it was just right

 

Your fingers

with pale pink nails

to match the rosiness of your cheeks

and contrast the beautiful snowy white of your hair

 

The smile on your face

revealed that deep inside you understood what was going on

yet because of an illness somehow could not express

your thoughts and emotions

 

The way you enjoyed

dancing

going for walks

watching soap operas

all the simple things in life that younger people take for granted

 

The way in which you touched my soul

by singing a song

by looking at me—

your eyes that shouted “please help me”

those beautiful blue eyes that eventually became your communication

when words had long ago ceased

 

The lessons your life taught me

lessons of patience

of frustration

of family

of love

 

The indescribable grief I faced when you died

your last breath

 

The knowledge

that you would not sing Happy Birthday when I turned eighteen

or see me graduate

or be there to share my joy when I married the man of my dreams

 

The regret for all the times I should have been there for you

and I failed

for the impatience I showed

when you had trouble eating, dressing, walking

 

The sadness of knowing I would never again be able to hug you

to smile at you

to dance with you

 

But the knowledge that no matter where in life I am

I can always cherish the memories I had with you

I will always love you.