1.
I am rocked with uncertainty.
My mama taught at Whitten Center.
Where the retarded children rocked
Back
And forth
In their seats. I wonder what they thought.
I remember my thoughts as a child.
I knew them, but could not say them right
Out loud.
2.
I am rocked with uncertainty.
My mama got sick when I was in first grade.
My grandmama came to take my sister and me to school,
And I got there late for the first time.
Ms. Kelly was eating lunch with the other teachers
In the reading room.
She asked me to bring her a fork from the cafeteria.
I did.
I told everybody that the teachers did not eat in the teachers’ lounge,
They ate in the reading room.
No one believed me.
3.
I am rocked with uncertainty.
I dreamed that I had extra toes on each foot.
It was so real.
I did not worry about fitting into my tennis shoes.
I was sad that I could not wear sandals.
When I woke up, I was so relieved.
I had five toes on each foot.
I slid them into
A pair of sandals. My toes looked like cute pink piggies,
And I was pleased.
I have not worn a pair of sandals in eight months.
4.
I am rocked with uncertainty.
I think of the rocking chairs on the porch of the Cracker Barrel
In Rock Hill.
I sat in one as my sister and I played checkers on a blanket board.
Mama had taught us how.
No one could beat me at checkers.
I moved my king back and forth in the corner
Until she tired and gave up.
I have not played in four years.
I don’t know that I could still win.
5.
I am rocked with uncertainty.
I am sure that I will go to heaven when I die.
Dr. Shrum’s son killed himself by overdosing
On that stuff the dentist gives you to numb your mouth
Before he pulls.
His father was a preacher.
Did he go to heaven?
Dr. Shrum read a poem someone had written called
“Spring Will Come Again”.
I remember a sermon about how everyone passes through
The Garden of Gethsemane.
Jesus did not want to be crucified.
Allen Navlyt committed suicide in the eighth grade. He shot himself.
He had been sick with some kind of muscle disease.
He could not take gym class, so he was the library helper after I was.
He finished a poster I started – clouds and kites for March.
He put all the grey clouds together.
I wonder if he went to heaven
I wonder what he thought
Before he pulled.